Pre-departure reflections

I don't know if anyone is reading this, but there are a few things that I need to put out into the world, and maybe they will return to me in the form of some better karma. This is my blog so I feel I am obligated to fill it will my most honest thoughts, but I promise this thing won't turn into turn into a self-help rant. Once I arrive in London it will be nothing but stories and international fun!

The inspiration for my world travels is a serious need for self-reflection; a new setting that will hopefully foster a not necessarily new, but improved self. I left Lehigh last semester not on the best terms with some people that mean a lot to me, and after a too eventful visit back to college last weekend I discovered that three months away from each other had not allowed the unfortunate events that unfolded last year to be forgotten, but instead stewed in their minds until they developed into a deep resentment. My feelings about their opinions of me are mixed; on one hand if I did anything to hurt a friend then there is a problem with me that must be fixed, but on the other hand it takes two people to be in a meaningful relationship and two people to destroy it. So where did all this hatred come from? It was so easy to let myself get caught up in my own drama that i forgot that other people had to deal with drama of their own. It was just as easy to get to a point in my friendships and relationships where I felt safe; I thought because of how special and strong certain friendships were that they were unbreakable. I also thought that those friendships no longer required the same work and effort as they once did or the same time and energy as newer or less "convenient" friendships required. I was wrong and learned this the hard way. I look back at the person I was before Ireland and don't recognize some of the things I did, weather it was not seeing a friend in need because I thought I needed them more, or not being supportive enough of my friends accomplishments because I was too wrapped up in my own. It was selfish and it was stupid and it makes me want to be a better friend to everyone in my life regardless of the past. Anyone who has spent time abroad knows that it is impossible to return from that expereince the same person. I am just hoping that I get the opportunity to show it.

So, I am leaving in a week. I don't like to think of it as running away from my problems, but more like giving them space. Living in a foreign country take me away from any and all of my comfort zones and connections, leaving me only with myself: the friend, the daughter, the student, the writer, the stranger. This time next week I will be moving into Ramasy Hall along with tons of other students/strangers from all over the world. Armed with my two suitcases, an international cell phone and a UCL linen pack I will have one semester (or maybe one year, we will see) to conquer London...OK, maybe not conquer, we all know I'm not capable of conquering anything, but I do my best. It's going to be difficult at first; being dropped into the middle of one of the largest cities and just start living there. But I am lucky that that city I'm being dropped into is full of cultural, historic, and urban benefits. Right now I can only anticipate what my time there will be like (weeks spent emmersed in lituature classes and all the reading that accopmaies them and weekend spent traveling around Europe as much as my bank account allows), but time will tell, and of course I will tell all of you. Keep reading and its sure to be a good semester.